I still look the same too!
Ha-ha-ha, I will never look like that again actually.
This is a new thing that Blogger has allowed me to do which I believe will change the way I blog for sure!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Who Is This Little Cutie?
I still look the same too!
Ha-ha-ha, I will never look like that again actually.
This is a new thing that Blogger has allowed me to do which I believe will change the way I blog for sure!!
Art
Today I met with the curator of the Niagara Art Gallery, Dean Tedesco and had a really great time. He let me take a look around at all the different artists that were in his gallery along with letting me know about all the things that were coming up at the gallery (drawing classes, feature artists). I had a great time and it was really inspiring. Especially when he mentioned a few people had enquired about the paintings that I had done. I will be keeping in touch with him and maybe help out more with some of the ideas he has coming in the future. Oooo, I'm sooo excited! I just had to let you know ;)
Kim
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The Internet
What a wonderful tool!! I'm always so surprised about what I will find when I go looking for it! It is true there is lots of advertisers trying to take up your time with ads, but when you find something interesting that doesn't lead to commercials it is very exciting and eye opening. For example - today I was looking up information on comets and asteroids and read on some interesting information on a religious standpoint of previous recollections of comets falling out of the sky (ie. Revelations) and then reading further about other religious writings with comets and asteroids. Which led me to a Zoroastrianism site that I forgot that I was interested in learning about as well as other world religions and how they relate to eachother. All telling different stories that led to the same end. How wonderful is that! I enjoy reading about that too and how we are all related on a very basic level. We all look so different and yet we have structure and ways that make us similar. We are all related on a genetic level - I have believed that since I was young. That is why I enjoy the internet because there are people just living their lives without prejudice; expressing themselves freely without any worry of being told they can't do that.
I am going to use the internet to the best of my advantage so I can and fully express myself through my writing (if you haven't noticed already). Who needs pictures if you just take the time to read you will know everything inside me. I am worthy. I am someone who deserves recognition for I feel with the internet I can change the world! (Papparazzi can just keep their cameras away from me - who needs their bother and sneers!)
Did I mention that I believe I am reincarnated? Maybe that will be the subject for next time...;)
Kim
I am going to use the internet to the best of my advantage so I can and fully express myself through my writing (if you haven't noticed already). Who needs pictures if you just take the time to read you will know everything inside me. I am worthy. I am someone who deserves recognition for I feel with the internet I can change the world! (Papparazzi can just keep their cameras away from me - who needs their bother and sneers!)
Did I mention that I believe I am reincarnated? Maybe that will be the subject for next time...;)
Kim
Saturday, June 11, 2005
My Brother
I have to get this off my chest! It has been something that just sits at the back of my mind and I have only recently said something that stopped our communication with eachother; but that was only because it needed to be said for the fact that he had fallen back into his old habbits. This is something that cannot be taken lightly!
My brother is 12 years older than me. He started partying back in the early 70's with my sister Anne. There is a two year difference between them and they knew a lot of the same people and had a lot of the same friends. When it came to me, being that I was still a child back when he began his crazy ways I would always watch him and laugh saying "that's my brother for you". He was studying to become a certified machinist. He always was good at shop and mechanics. He also enjoyed partying and he was the one who got me interested in rock bands. He also liked Yes too. As I got older and became more aware of the effects of alcohol and drugs, I would begin to see what my brother was doing in a different light. He was no longer becoming funny to me. It would worry me more than I would admit to myself at times. It made for an unstable family life (being that my father was also alcoholic and dying of cancer at that point) and it was as if things were unravelling. In the 80's I know that my brother had started to experiment with a lot more other things that maybe even Anne was not aware of. Anne and him had split as partying friends and he had now a new bunch of friends which continued the party when the party was over. There were days when my step-mom had to be the one to set him straight and I know that wasn't easy for her because he wasn't even her own son. Allan had stopped caring at that point anyways. He was a machinist, he got whatever he wanted because now he had the money to do it, and he was the man who could and would keep the party going. His life was a blur at that point to me. It seemed as if he was trying to spend the money faster than he could make it. When I was 12, he was 24 and had turned into quite the druggie. He was doing cocaine and whatever new experimental drugs that was available to take at that time. Anne was a mother and had responsibilities and my other sister Teresa was 16 - old enough that she became Allan's new party buddy. She told me later that she had dated a lot of his friends when she was hanging around with him - getting into trouble - partying with him and his friends. She had fallen in love with one of Allan's friends who he'd played hockey with but things quickly soured between them. She would always regret that one that got away. In the meantime Allan had fallen in love with one of Teresa's friends - who happened to be a few years older than me - and when she became old enough, he started dating her and got her pregnant with their first child. I still saw that it didn't stop the party from slowing down, if anything he started partying harder. As the years passed he continued to party and it made life difficult for a normal family to live with and adjust to and his girlfriend and daughter left. It was too chaotic! In the 90's he still was partying, but it was affecting his ability to work and a lot of the things he had he was slowly losing - but the party never stopped. He lost his house, his family, his car, his possessions, his ability to fight for something more. He lost his mind. I'd always hope he'd turn around. In 1990 I was 20 he was 34; I tried staying with him for a while when I got out of college but found it impossible to live in that environment. He'd always have the shades drawn - worried he was being spied on by police for possession of marajuana. He had strange people coming and going out of the house all the time, it was a dirty messy place where filthy people like his latest girlfriend (a cocaine addict like himself - which I didn't know at that time) was frequenting and acting like the dirty tramp that she was. I moved out and found my own place letting him know before I left that he was in need of help. He didn't listen to me. Teresa and him would still party together and she probably knew exactly what was going on and turned a blind eye toward it so that she could get what she wanted from him. Now in the 2000's plus - he has lost everything, he doesn't work he can barely take care of himself; he lives off scraps, and has lived on the street more times than I care to mention, he has become a walking disease. I still tell him he needs help and he still doesn't listen. He continues to party although the choice people he parties with now would be called vagabonds than friends. They sponge off him and he lets them. He is dying from the party and the party never dies. He has hepititis C and HIV which could easily become AIDS because he still lives in a filthy environment.
All these years it has burned me inside that he has been so blind to his ways that he will never stop. I was always to him just a younger sibling that didn't know what I was talking about, and he still thinks of me that way. The last time I had it out with him I told him how I felt and for that we are no longer on speaking terms because I told him how it hurts me. I no longer have to be quiet because of my mother's love for him - she's gone now and I have every right to let him know how he hurts everyone around him. Teresa still turns a blind eye because she's given up too, and Anne, God Bless her soul, has tried to help him, but it goes way beyond what any of us can do - it has to be something he wants; to change his life around before it's too late. But perhaps it is already too late.
I throw this into the blog with my regrets that I didn't do more to help him when I told him the first time. I'm not perfect and I am also not free from sins that I do not harbor some regret for; but at least I knew when the party was over. It's been over a long time ago. With this sadness I commend thee to the blog......Kim
My brother is 12 years older than me. He started partying back in the early 70's with my sister Anne. There is a two year difference between them and they knew a lot of the same people and had a lot of the same friends. When it came to me, being that I was still a child back when he began his crazy ways I would always watch him and laugh saying "that's my brother for you". He was studying to become a certified machinist. He always was good at shop and mechanics. He also enjoyed partying and he was the one who got me interested in rock bands. He also liked Yes too. As I got older and became more aware of the effects of alcohol and drugs, I would begin to see what my brother was doing in a different light. He was no longer becoming funny to me. It would worry me more than I would admit to myself at times. It made for an unstable family life (being that my father was also alcoholic and dying of cancer at that point) and it was as if things were unravelling. In the 80's I know that my brother had started to experiment with a lot more other things that maybe even Anne was not aware of. Anne and him had split as partying friends and he had now a new bunch of friends which continued the party when the party was over. There were days when my step-mom had to be the one to set him straight and I know that wasn't easy for her because he wasn't even her own son. Allan had stopped caring at that point anyways. He was a machinist, he got whatever he wanted because now he had the money to do it, and he was the man who could and would keep the party going. His life was a blur at that point to me. It seemed as if he was trying to spend the money faster than he could make it. When I was 12, he was 24 and had turned into quite the druggie. He was doing cocaine and whatever new experimental drugs that was available to take at that time. Anne was a mother and had responsibilities and my other sister Teresa was 16 - old enough that she became Allan's new party buddy. She told me later that she had dated a lot of his friends when she was hanging around with him - getting into trouble - partying with him and his friends. She had fallen in love with one of Allan's friends who he'd played hockey with but things quickly soured between them. She would always regret that one that got away. In the meantime Allan had fallen in love with one of Teresa's friends - who happened to be a few years older than me - and when she became old enough, he started dating her and got her pregnant with their first child. I still saw that it didn't stop the party from slowing down, if anything he started partying harder. As the years passed he continued to party and it made life difficult for a normal family to live with and adjust to and his girlfriend and daughter left. It was too chaotic! In the 90's he still was partying, but it was affecting his ability to work and a lot of the things he had he was slowly losing - but the party never stopped. He lost his house, his family, his car, his possessions, his ability to fight for something more. He lost his mind. I'd always hope he'd turn around. In 1990 I was 20 he was 34; I tried staying with him for a while when I got out of college but found it impossible to live in that environment. He'd always have the shades drawn - worried he was being spied on by police for possession of marajuana. He had strange people coming and going out of the house all the time, it was a dirty messy place where filthy people like his latest girlfriend (a cocaine addict like himself - which I didn't know at that time) was frequenting and acting like the dirty tramp that she was. I moved out and found my own place letting him know before I left that he was in need of help. He didn't listen to me. Teresa and him would still party together and she probably knew exactly what was going on and turned a blind eye toward it so that she could get what she wanted from him. Now in the 2000's plus - he has lost everything, he doesn't work he can barely take care of himself; he lives off scraps, and has lived on the street more times than I care to mention, he has become a walking disease. I still tell him he needs help and he still doesn't listen. He continues to party although the choice people he parties with now would be called vagabonds than friends. They sponge off him and he lets them. He is dying from the party and the party never dies. He has hepititis C and HIV which could easily become AIDS because he still lives in a filthy environment.
All these years it has burned me inside that he has been so blind to his ways that he will never stop. I was always to him just a younger sibling that didn't know what I was talking about, and he still thinks of me that way. The last time I had it out with him I told him how I felt and for that we are no longer on speaking terms because I told him how it hurts me. I no longer have to be quiet because of my mother's love for him - she's gone now and I have every right to let him know how he hurts everyone around him. Teresa still turns a blind eye because she's given up too, and Anne, God Bless her soul, has tried to help him, but it goes way beyond what any of us can do - it has to be something he wants; to change his life around before it's too late. But perhaps it is already too late.
I throw this into the blog with my regrets that I didn't do more to help him when I told him the first time. I'm not perfect and I am also not free from sins that I do not harbor some regret for; but at least I knew when the party was over. It's been over a long time ago. With this sadness I commend thee to the blog......Kim
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The Gallbladder
On June 3rd I got my gallbladder removed and boy am I ever sore! I feel like I've been prodded, skewered and poisoned and now I'm starting to finally feel a little better. I'm still resting and have had a week off but I may need another to recover. It's not easy to recover from such a thing! I tire easily and even if I try to stay alert I am not yet 100%. Already I feel like I should lie down...
I'll write another time...Kim
I'll write another time...Kim
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