New Thoughts & Potty Stories!

Okay, so it has been a while since I posted and again it comes down to another year. I read through a lot of my old articles and I soooo enjoy my washroom peeves because they are true! I have done a lot of different things this year but I still hate washrooms! Awkward!

If I become a comedian I would also be adding about what kind of things you would see when you walk into washrooms. Especially for 2011, I was on a road trip and I visited MANY washrooms along the way.

Actually, I have to tell this story because it's true, and wished that I had brought the camera in the bathroom with me to document it. I have more pictures of other bathrooms but....

It was in Bracebridge during the magic show with Ken McCreedy, we were going to be doing a show at Bracebridge High School and were looking around for a place to stop for lunch. I don't know if Ken knew about "Marty's World Famous Coffee Shop" but I did know that you couldn't miss it when you came into Bracebridge's downtown area. At this point of the tour I was not really speaking with Ken. He told me that he hated me and wished he'd never hired me and I should stop paying attention to what was going on around me and pay more attention to myself...so I was not telling him anything that would be funny or what I saw anymore because I didn't want to make him any madder than he already was.

The coffee shop was very quaint inside with pictures of all the celebrities who had visited "Marty's World Famous Coffee Shop" in the past. There was a whole wall for writing your name on if you had visited there. It had a spiral staircase that led upstairs to the offices and the owner, Marty, graced us by serving up great Chai Lattes and Butter Tarts (World Famous Butter Tarts!). He had recently published a book which had a lot of good reviews and was sitting on the table nearby for people to take a look at. On entering the place I had noticed on the door that it was hiring...For kitchen staff, cooks, waiters, waitresses and it never really registered why for some reason.

I remember Ken asked the waiter where Bracebridge High School was, as we were waiting for our order, and the waiter (some young teenage guy) 'ummed' and shuffled his feet and quickly just pointed outward 'that way' and made a hasty retreat to the back. Odd.

There wasn't very many people there that day as I recall. A woman was close to the back of the shop and Marty was working the front, the waiter, Ken and I.

So, while we were waiting I had to use the washroom and I don't remember if there was a sign or if I asked where the washroom was that day but I knew I had to go. There was only one bathroom that I could see. I thought, no, I hoped there would be a 'his' or 'her' bathroom, and if there was I didn't see it. I only know that I was near the back of the shop and there was a bathroom with a light on when I came around the corner.

On entering the washroom I lifted the lid of the toilet and immediately was confronted by what I called "Marty's World Famous Bent Biscuit". In my Facebook post I wrote:

"I'm still laughing about it...It looked like a big beef stew with brown paper towel folded into it. I was aghast and took some toilet paper and flushed it down...I had no choice but to use the toilet...I spread out the three long sheets on the toilet bowl rim and hovered over in a squat til I was done. I barely made it out alive!"

This is the truth! It looked like the whole bowl had been filled and instead of using toilet paper they took the dispenser paper and wiped their ass with it. I worried first at the smell and then whether the toilet would overflow on me when I flushed it. It was FULL OF CRAP!! I waited and when it went down did the toilet paper squat over the bowl. I got out of the bathroom and went back to the table. Like I said earlier, I didn't tell Ken because he wouldn't be impressed; he was constipated anyways.

I sat back down at the table, Ken had brought over the tarts to eat and the Latte was there. I ate the tart but the whole time I was thinking: "I hope he washes his hands before he makes the tarts." Before we left there Ken used the washroom but he didn't have to go through the same trama as I did. I never mentioned a word about it to him. Why should I?

To end this article on a positive note the trip was fun and I learned a lot about people. People are funny! There are a lot of funny people out there...Perhaps someone will find me funny for having a bathroom peeve. Do you blame me? I have other peeves too...I will express them in the future. Thanks!

"Stop pretending to hit me and hit me!"

I started blogging in 2004 and I have been trying to understand my life since. Nothing has really changed and yet there is a lot of change going on.

I still feel the same...I feel a little let down. I have only myself to blame, I guess.

I thought things were on the upward swing and yet I see the same things occurring again. Change just doesn't happen as fast as I want it to.

I'm still struggling to get my art a recognized business.

It seems I've gotten better because now I have a sponsor (GRUMBACHER) but I am looking for someone who wants to take up the challenge of learning how to paint from me. I don't know what it takes to get people interested in painting. I get excited about it. It thrills me. Would you be the one who wants to know what I know?

I am part of a group of artists and yet I still feel alienated. Why doesn't anybody call me? I hand out business cards, I try to attend meetings where I don't know anyone to get a foot in the door...Am I that uninteresting? Maybe I have to do something to get people noticing...I just have to figure out what that is! I'm reading a book on how to improve myself so maybe there is a key there!

Seven years! I'm thrilled to see what will be coming. Like back in 2004, I am still excited to see what is going to happen in the future. If we took a look at it in 5 year chunks, I need to do more!

I will be doing a lot more! Starting now!

Is There Life in Outer Space and Are They Watching Us?

Alright all you sci-fi lovers, you alien believers, you other worldly beings who are really out there...And you know who you are!

I have just come to the conclusion that there is life in outer space. I don't know how far advanced they are, but I do know that they do exist. The unfortunate thing is that there are just SO MANY STARS!

Anyone (or thing) that was looking for life on other planets would be searching for something living like them but not knowing where makes it "like searching for a needle in a haystack" to coin a phrase.

Imagine, what would happen if something actually found us?

A lucky guess on their part!

Let's say they noticed our Sun as a star and monitored it to see if there were other planets circling it. They'd discover there was more than one planet but a string of them with perhaps one that was sustainable for possible life.

Extend your belief and think of what the possibilities would be to know that they actually found life.

Here.

They know we exist.

They have been trying to develop the technology so they can monitor what goes on with these 'beings'. They have been unable to reach the planet because they lack the capability of being able to leave their planet and travel that far.

All they can do is watch. Hoping that maybe someday they will be able to actually come to us. Meet us...Hopefully not beat us or eat us!

Video games sometimes make people feel that sensation of being the character but imagine if something were living that experience with you. Imagine this far away life had advanced to the point of watching certain (perhaps important) people, making them feel as if the world revolved around them but in reality it was entertaining something or somebody else that was way out there in the cosmos.

What would they think of us?

Wouldn't we want to be on our best behavior at all times? Maybe showing a little more love to our fellow 'beings'?

Imagine them watching us at this very time - at this very moment. Would they be happy to report the fact that there is life but there has just been a 'disturbance' on the planet.

There have been many big 'disturbances' lately on this planet. Is it cause for concern?

What do you think? Do you think they'd be concerned? Do you think they are worried too?

Should they be? What would their reaction be?

Would you feel responsible enough to try and fix the problem? Where would you start?

This is the reason why I'm sure there is life in outer space.

The unfortunate truth of the matter is still that there is no way for them to know where we are unless we project back out to them somehow. Let them know that we're here. To keep sustaining our life until they arrive. Perhaps we will have the technology to tune into them and be able to see them on their planet too, perhaps even learn what they know.

The sad thing is that most people on this planet don't realize is that they are out there and these depressing wastes of life choose to ignore it and so they also choose to destroy their lives without thinking. There's something out there and we have to live to be able to see it!

We as humans should own up to this issue and do something about it instead of just watching! The only reason I stopped trying is because I know it's already too late! I only hope that they can forgive our sorry lot! Maybe...

Pet Peeves (Cont'd)

5. Bar Washrooms

I saw this picture and I had to say to myself "What in God's name!?" I would not go there...I would hold. Yes, I would hold...

We have reached the last peeve. Bar washrooms - almost equivalent to Restaurant Bathrooms if it is a decent bar. If not, you can have something equivalent to or worse than the Laundromat Washrooms, for example the last one I visited was, in the daytime, a restaurant but it served the staples of fries and sandwiches and anything deep-fried. Other than that it was a bar with booths and a dance floor, where our table was, and had a U shaped bar. It was an old bar establishment in the 1800's and was basically a giant wooden room. I had to go find the washroom to change my contact lenses and I could only open the door partially enough to get inside, I went into the tiny stall first to pee. Once banging my elbow to get the toilet paper I opened the stall door to the sink right in front of me. I had about an inch to move. Imagine if I was heavier! I got my contact lenses out of my eyes and put my glasses on. I edged my way out of the bathroom and back to my seat.

Some bar washroom you never get the privilege of having mirrors, or paper towels to wipe your hands let alone toilet paper to wipe your butt! It was better than a few places I've seen. Obviously there are way worse than that!

Pet Peeves (Cont'd)

4.Laundromat Washrooms

I didn't want to continue this but I got to see some interesting bathrooms on a recent tour I took up north. I had been in the midst of assisting on a magic show and I had the misfortune of having to do laundry in Smith's Falls. Of course I had to use the can and could you imagine the skive stink that whooshed out from the bowels of the water-closet. I put my traditional three strips neatly down after wiping the seat with wet toilet paper. I squat the best I can. I dare not touch around me because someone - its a public washroom for men and women - splashed the walls with urine and not anyone wants to clean it up. I'm supposed to act like that's fine. Okay!

Most - not all - of the laundromats have the same terrible thing. No one dares to touch it or clean it and people have to be desperate to go here...I was desperate! Honestly, strap on a mask and just clean it up! I had to clean up elderly people's bathrooms when they'd have 'accidents' or decide they just wanted to pick up and fling their poo around! Just clean it up! The more you wait the worse it gets! For the love of all that is good!