You know, sometimes I get pretty pissed with the world. I can't believe how low it makes me! I feel like scraping my knuckles on the floor and reverting back to ape form. I am so screwed right now too. Who do I have to tell? No one will listen anyways! This may be one of my last posts so take it for what it's worth. I would love to sell everything and leave and never come back.
I remember the days when I was a child, I would sometimes find my father in the dark in the living room just smoking and drinking and staring into space. He asked me if I would like to run away with him. He said it would be just him and me. No sisters, no brother, no mother, no step mother, just him and me. I loved my father so I was more than happy to. What did I have at that time anyways? I had a friend who treated me like shit. I had siblings who had better things to do than watch their younger sister. My dad would say that we would run away and live in the woods and forget the world. We would be like pioneers and live off the land and move far away where no one would find us.
He unfortunately didn't even make it to his retirement. Now here I am - at the same age with the same thoughts except for not drinking or smoking, I sit in the dark and contemplate how fucking crappy I feel right now and wish I could forget everything. I have no plans and no money. I feel as if I have been lied to by everyone and I would happily face death then to continue with life. I have been completely drained and worthless. I feel my talents have been squandered and I have been living a lie hoping that maybe I have something special. I have nothing special to offer anyone - my love isn't even that special.
So enjoy life for what it's worth because the rest of it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
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